Intervention of parents: Educate without punishing

Education, which you give your child, is a way to help him learn your values and learn how to get along with others. You can also teach him how to be safe, to manage emotions, to self-control – it is necessary to achieve all this in your absence. The child's education is therefore teaching him things for which consciously to know the consequences of his actions, and not to punish systematically. 

How to create rules

Normally, your child does not always act as you wish. For him, the pleasure is the most important and he needs time and your help to understand the acceptable behavior. Therefore parenting means to determine the limits that create meaningful and essential rules.

To identify gestures that never tolerate (shouting, pushing or hitting) and to determine the fair consequences for these actions. For behaviors that have fewer negative consequences, warning or explanation may be sufficient. Just be careful and do not make comments or punish your child constantly.

It is important that your child knows that you are the parents, who establish the rules, because you are an adult responsible for him. He must know that you will place restrictions on his behavior with a view to his being and safety. For example, if you do not allow your child to scratch the furniture, explain him why in simple words. You can tell him that this is to avoid his injury.. Then aim him to a safer activity, to make pirouettes on a blanket or give him a job that he likes.

However these rules will have to allow child to experience things and to live the successes and challenges. It should be clear to your child that every gesture can have positive or negative, so you have to accompany him, to guide. Do not just get him to live with the consequences of inappropriate actions, but also highlight his successes and good achievements.

You may feel frustrated by constantly repeating the same thing to your child, but it is important to give him a good example by controlling your anger. The example that you give him is essential as you will show him to manage his own behavior. So when your child has tantrums, you can help him to name his feelings and help him to manage his anger.

How to avoid the constant squabbling with your child

When you repeat many times the child not to do something, he can learn to not hear you with disturbing ease. Here are some ways to avoid bickering all the time:

• When both of you are calm, talk about your expectations and the rules that must be respected. Also make a schedule of the tasks that he must perform..
• When he does not do what you want, do not enter into squabbles with him. Go rather to him and attract his attention. Then ask him about his feelings for the task that he must achieve and why he is not ready to do it. After discussing the reasons on which it relies, tell him clearly and calmly what to do.
• If he often refuses to do what you want, or if he never does what you expect from him, talk to other parents or specialist to see if your expectations are reasonable. The exchange with other parents can help you to develop strategies that you might not think. Child's teacher may also be a good ally and help you in this regard.

Do not enter into disputes with your child to the extent of shouting, threats about what it will happen if he does not obey you. First of all do not make vain threats that will not run, saying, for example: "If you do not take your car, I'll throw it!" This kind of warning is usually ineffective. If you happen to lose your calm, your child will think only about your anger.

Be calm and consistent in your home. Say what you think and think what you say. When the atmosphere is calmer, discuss with your child to check his understanding of things and to confirm your expectations of his behavior. The good communication with your child will help him to understand better his actions and also your expectations.

Encyclopedia of Early Childhood Development

This encyclopedia is published free online. It covers topics that affect the psychosocial development of children from conception to 5 years, and presents the latest scientific knowledge. The beginning of messages on each topic, presented in a convenient format, is for parents and interested parties. www.enfant-encyclopedie.com